Monday, May 7

time flies

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday and I'm not really certain how to feel. I can't believe I'm 28 tomorrow, how time flies.

It's so funny to think how when we are in our early twenties, we firmly believe that we are so unique and so right about the way we think... and so quick to think our life is over due to falling out with friends or lovers. Life just keeps on going, going and going... ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. Life is not a straight line and never will be. It's mountains, rivers, forests, swamps, deserts... an ocean of nothingness/everythingness. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way we want it, sometimes it really torments us... and sometimes, it is so incredibly kind. Where there is a push, there is also a pull.

Wednesday, February 28

do you really want to go back in time?

I am very sad and often mad
I would like to be glad and get over this fad
but I fear, I will forever be described as bad 

Friday, February 16

Saturday, February 10

false gods

My heart is full of chambers; each room decorated with shrouds of feelings and memories.
One room is adorned with thorns of jealousy.
Another is dark and empty except for one lonely candle, burning perpetually but never reaching the end of its wick.
There are many others, some full of clocks and others nothing but a bare wooden floor.
Sounds of chiming bells fill the halls... which vibrate and cause my heart to stir and tremble.


We all carry shame, some of which can't be faced... and when it cannot be faced, that is when we become false gods.

False gods that preach sermons that they do not follow.

We are all gods, master of our own universe... our solar systems twist and turn, screaming silently into the ether.

Monday, January 15

a hundred times in every direction

4 am

It's so hard to keep on top of this blog... but hey, at least it's always here (for now until the world ends). I can't believe it's 2018. I'll be thirty in two years... which to many people my age, is a bit scary. 

Knowledge is power but ignorance is bliss. 

I used to write a lot, I don't know what happened. I certainly draw a lot... I think words were swapped with scrawlings. I have a plethora of sketchbooks filled with wacky drawings. I have met people who think artists should be many things... I think artist should be left to their own devices and if they only want to paint, then let them paint until they can't no more. An artist does not exist to adhere to anyone... unless they want to of course. There is no right or wrong to be an artist. Many will disagree but I don't care. Opinionated people are frustrating... because opinions are often subjective, especially when it comes to art. 

Art is art. There is some art I like and don't like. That is fine. What I may enjoy, may not be enjoyed by others and vice versa... and yet, I think it is important to know why you don't like something. I have tried to question myself "aisling. why don't you like _____________?" Some are harder than others. It is good to question yourself sometimes... I don't know, perhaps I am a hypocrite. I think a lot of non-artists have a lot of ideas on how artisans should be. They should be this, they should be that, stop painting pretty pictures because that has been done for centuries.... paint something has meaning. Not everything has to have meaning. A pretty picture invokes wonderful feelings... and often, correct me if I am wrong, people enjoy feeling good. A painting of a pretty girl holding a bouquet of flowers is just as a valid as a political painting. Maybe. 

My mind is everywhere today. Dissociation, depersonalisation and derealisation. Anxiety through the roof.