Monday, September 10

Cancion Sintecta

I have poured my heart out into this blog, perhaps too much. Why is it so bad to reveal the darkest and most sensitive pits of your heart? To know all your thoughts and sufferings should not be scorned and yet it is. I feel like the unwritten rule is ALWAYS PRESENT YOUR BEST (FAKE) SELF TO THE WORLD! We must always be smiling. We must always answer GOOD when someone asks how we are. We must never share  our sensitive souls .. and most of all, we must never show off our flesh lest we wanted to be scorned. So many judge and yet, never ask themselves why they are judging so harshly.

People judge people... for making the same mistakes they have made. The only difference is that when they fucked up, no one found out. It's like the fat kid laughing with the bullies at the other fat kid. It's like the person who cheated on their partner shakes their head when they find out their best mate cheated on their girlfriend. It's like the man who beat up his wife preaching to the church how it's wrong to lay a hand on a woman. As long as it's not known, it's all good. If no one knows your secret, you're a good person... as long as you present your best self to the world, you are a god damn saint. As long as enough people say "so and so is a top bloke", it's all good. Everyone has fucked up but no one wants to admit it. People love it when celebs fuck up. THEY LOVE IT. Why? Because celebrities are not allowed to fuck up and if they do, it's blasted all over in the internet. It enrages me that people who have fucked up, dare to mock and judge others who have made the same mistake they did... the only difference is that their mistake is a it's all good, right?  I don't know if this makes sense but it has been something I've been thinking about for a long long long long time. The thin layer of who a person is vs the person they present to the world.

I feel like people shouldn't be so damning. Especially when they are mocking and judging someone for making the exact same mistake. It's like the pot calling kettle black. Why do we judge instead of observing and questioning ourselves? Often we judge and frown at others because we feel poorly about ourselves. I know this has been the case for me. I have suffered intense jealousy and feelings of inadequacy for a long time. I'm too tired to write anymore. Goodbye for now.

Monday, May 7

time flies

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday and I'm not really certain how to feel. I can't believe I'm 28 tomorrow, how time flies.

It's so funny to think how when we are in our early twenties, we firmly believe that we are so unique and so right about the way we think... and so quick to think our life is over due to falling out with friends or lovers. Life just keeps on going, going and going... ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. Life is not a straight line and never will be. It's mountains, rivers, forests, swamps, deserts... an ocean of nothingness/everythingness. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way we want it, sometimes it really torments us... and sometimes, it is so incredibly kind. Where there is a push, there is also a pull.

Wednesday, February 28

do you really want to go back in time?

I am very sad and often mad
I would like to be glad and get over this fad
but I fear, I will forever be described as bad 

Friday, February 16

Saturday, February 10

false gods

My heart is full of chambers; each room decorated with shrouds of feelings and memories.
One room is adorned with thorns of jealousy.
Another is dark and empty except for one lonely candle, burning perpetually but never reaching the end of its wick.
There are many others, some full of clocks and others nothing but a bare wooden floor.
Sounds of chiming bells fill the halls... which vibrate and cause my heart to stir and tremble.


We all carry shame, some of which can't be faced... and when it cannot be faced, that is when we become false gods.

False gods that preach sermons that they do not follow.

We are all gods, master of our own universe... our solar systems twist and turn, screaming silently into the ether.